Tuesday, February 23, 2010


Occasionally I watch the show Brothers and Sisters. I was just watching the latest episode online as I dried my hair and got ready for the day (Will is napping). Anyway, the character Rebecca was pregnant, but lost the baby on this episode. My heart hurt for this fictional character and I actually cried watching it. It made me think back to my own heartache. Steven and I lost our first pregnancy in April of 2008. At 2:30. I hadn't even made it to our 8 week appt yet, but my life was already wrapped around the tiny one growing inside me. Needless to say I was devastated. I took it very hard. I hate hearing about anyone experiencing this kind of pain.

Seeing the show brought those memories back and filled me with an immense gratefulness and desire to praise His name today. It's amazing how God restored my hope and blessed us with the most beautiful baby boy almost exactly one year later after the miscarriage. I begged God for this boy. He listened. I am grateful!

It's important for me to remember this. To remember how badly I wanted this boy and that I'd promise God to not complain and to take whatever child he had for me. I say this b/c I've been ungrateful. So what if my kid doesn't like to sleep and doesn't want to talk to me? I AM A MOMMY! And that's all I asked for. He is perfect and precious and a daily reminder of God's love and provision.

I mean, am I blessed or what?! I get to kiss this little face all day!

So this is my official commitment to be more positive and focus on all the wonderful things my son is doing instead of what he may not be doing yet.

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