Friday, November 4, 2011

My Babywise Beef...

So I figured out what my beef is with Babywise.  For two and a half years now something about it has really rubbed me the wrong way.  And I know lots of good moms who swear by it, so I felt like I was insulting them by saying it bothers me.  But I couldn't figure out what really bothered me exactly.  Well, a big part was that I had a baby who I just couldn't get on a schedule to save my life. It really stressed me out.  And he didn't sleep.  So I kept going back looking for answers and feeling more and more like a failure every day.

I did the same thing the other day (since I have a three month old who isn't STTN) and found this on their website:

On Becoming Babywise is not a book of luck but of principle. Luck has nothing to do with the benefits described above – right parenting does. What you do in the first days, weeks, and months of your baby’s life will impact the rest of your parenting years.

The "benefits" described were a happy baby who sleeps through the night.  THAT's IT!! I figured out what keeps rubbing me the wrong way.  The phrase "right parenting".  


That's bad.

It's basically saying everything else is wrong parenting.  And that may not be exactly what they mean (although I believe it is).  It's how it makes you feel anyway if you aren't successful getting your baby to sleep through the night by a certain age.  I'm not against the principles of parent directed feeding or the Eat Awake Sleep cycle. Those are reasonable and apparently work for thousands of moms.  And I'm still trying to do it.  

You just can't claim that your way is the right way to parent.  I mean how did the world even make it to this point without Babywise?  It's amazing we're not all ax murderers who never sleep.  THANK YOU BABYWISE FOR SAVING US.  

sorry, just a little rant.

but guess what?  I'll still look at the Babywise Mom's site for info b/c there's a lot there.  It's a good source of advice and information.  

And you're probably thinking, (especially if you're a BW mom) "c'mon Kristie, it's just their opinion."  Well it's not just the authors' opinion.  Most BW moms that I've read subscribe to the same idea.  I've read it multiple times on Chronicles of a BW mom and from comments by her followers.  Lots of back patting.  Which is fine!  Please pat your own back, bc you won't get it from many other places.  But don't make other moms feel like their way is wrong.  

Here is a link to a really great article.  It basically says that we give ourselves way too much credit for how kids turn out and don't give God enough.  He says that we should not be asking ourselves " Am I parenting successfully?", but "Am I parenting faithfully?".  

THat I can do!  I can't promise I'll be successful.  There is no way I can guarantee my son or daughter is going to be happy, sleep, make straight A's, or make all the right choices.  I just have to be faithful in teaching them what I can and pray God will take care of the rest.  

There.  I feel better.  

Now, to get that baby to sleep....


Melodie said...

I completely understand. I did read BW and did my best to apply it. But I remember blogging about Holden when he was sleeping 12hrs at 12 weeks and explaining that I thought he was just easy and I didn't credit BW for his great sleeping ability. And good thing I didn't because baby #2 wasn't as easy. And I've always said that I'm not a hardcore BW mom. I have tried to apply the Eat-Play-Sleep cycle early on and probably will with future babies if we have them from the newborn stage. But I'm a firm believer in "to each his own". There are lots of great parents out there and it has nothing to do with the books that are read or rules that are applied. At least that's how I feel about it. Different strokes for different folks. And each momma has to decide what they are comfortable with and what works for their little ones. And once again, that was a long one. For your sake, I'm hoping Miss Olivia starts sleeping well very soon. But even if she doesn't, there is no judgment here. You're a great and loving momma even if she wants to party all night. :)

AKA Jane Random said...

Too true. I used Baby Wise and loved it but I do think temperment - and God's provisions - have a lot to do with it. The thing is that there really is more than one way to skin a cat. If Baby Wise works for you than go for it! If it doesn't or if you don't want to try it than go for whatever you do want to. Make a decision and don't beat yourself up about it.

Jamie said...

I never read babywise but I did read secrets of the baby whisper that also talks about an eat-awake-sleep schedule. But I have to agree with you that you can offer someone advise on what has worked for you but no two kids are the same. There is just no way God meant for us moms to carry that burden of failure when it doesn't go as planned. I'm grateful you have a new found freedom to be the best mommy you can be. I know you are exactly the mom those babies of yours need because God gave them to you and no one else. So lets walk through parenting frustrations but not carry that worry that we aren't good enough as parents because you're right. Ultimately those kids will make their own decisions in life and their newborn sleeping schedules will be a faint memory not a life altering event.

Monica said...

Good glad we serve a faithful God, aren't you?!